Relationships

  • No Expert in Love

    Hey Wonder Woman!

    Yes you!

    The one constantly fighting battles, putting out fires and the one putting everyone else first, the one burnt out and feeling like the days never end with no reprieve in sight. The one raising those beautiful children on your own, this one is for you. Its blunt and its truth.

    Your relationship is over, or its teetering on the edge of being over. Maybe it was going downhill long ago and the only reason you are still there is because of the guilt. Let me help you, let me guide you because I have been where you are and the PAIN SUCKS. You don’t have to be stuck in this pain. Literally just stop it, stop it now.

    Arguments in relationships are a power struggle… so give up the power. This doesn’t mean you give in, this just means that the battle ends and it ends today. Forget what happened, what he did, or he didn’t do.. it doesn’t matter anymore. Because I will give you a new perspective, and if you REALLY want to be free and happy then you’ll take my advice.

    FIRST! You need to focus on where you want to be, not where you are. The past no longer serves you and when I say the past, I mean as little as 10 minutes ago. Seriously, let it go… the pain doesn’t serve you anymore and you have NOTHING to gain from holding on. Holding on is tiring, it’s a negative state of mind and most women are happy in their unhappiness so do you really want this to be you?

    Then you have to clear your baggage. We all have it.. boy did I have airports of it. And.. I was blissfully unaware. The moment I started unpacking I got lighter and lighter and lighter… and now… I just have my carry on, and that’s ok. It’s a lot easier to manage.

    Now that you are clear.. that garden bed is weeded and you are ready to start planting the seeds.

    Write down want you want in your partner (current or new)… physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.. write it down and hone in on it. Write your list… every one of us has one.. so write it down and be specific.. how you see your weekends, your family, your life, your sex, your future… what do you want. Then look at that list and ask yourself… is this what I am first prepared to give.

    What we give is what we get back, it’s the age old Law of Attraction and I will explain how true it is with the things that went bitterly wrong with my marriage. I am not ashamed of it, I praise it and I’ve learnt. I accept and am grateful for the new insights I have now because boy am I excited for the next one in line. lol

    The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love, and to be loved in return.

    There was no love and no affection in my marriage and boy did I complain about it. I never felt desirable, I never felt wanted and I made it common knowledge to whinge and complain about it. But guess who’s fault it was. Mine. All mine… because no one will give you those things unless you give it out first. Its not a game, its simple science. You put a man and a woman together for long enough and naturally they will want to procreate. But halt that intimacy and it’s a tough gig to getting it back, especially when you’re too proud to admit you are the one at fault for it. If he’s asking you for sex and you are not in the mood… ask yourself why. And not one of those lame ass excused like “I have a headache” or “I’ve had a long day”… if your not intimate… there IS a reason why. Dig deep enough and you will find it.

    I also complained of the lack in communication, never getting to the deep stuff and always tippy toeing around each others feelings not wanting to offend or hurt the other person. Big no no. Fuck! You have to say what you really think! And if you are in a place where you can’t, then you need to ask yourself… is this the right person for me. The things you go and complain to your girlfriends about, if you can’t SAY it to your spouse then you are in trouble. Don’t bitch behind his back.. give him the benefit of the doubt and talk about how you are feeling… if you come from a place of love and understanding then 100% it will be received well. And, if it ends up in a fight then GOOD… the sex is always better after a good argument. Just argue well… There is no right and wrong, no one is wrong, you both are right… so if you truly love this man and have his best interests at heart then you will forfeit your own ego to agree to disagree.

    Then when its over… so many couples… ex couples are plagued with bitterness at each other and it literally does ZERO. Your children suffer, even if you think they don’t.. they DO! Children are naturally highly intuitive so even if you don’t say anything around them, they will still pick up on your feelings. They will mimic your feelings be it anger, hurt, sadness… they are sponging up everything you are dishing so do you want them feeling like that? For me is was a firm no. And when you start acting more out of love and compassion instead of fear and anger then you ex can’t fight you on it.. it gives them no ammo. And don’t worry because I still slip up, its hard… but when I do slip up the fallout is easier to manage and recover from.

    When we let go of a lifetime of negative emotions its amazing how much it positively effects our relationships, be it a past one or a new one. My ex and I are on great terms, there is no bitterness, we communicate regularly and I even consider him my “friend”. After all.. I was married to him. How ironic the communication is now better post separation than it ever was. But that’s ok, our children benefit from it.

    Abbey Rose xo

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  • How You Can Forgive your Mum

     

    By Abbey Rose

    Even if she didn’t do anything wrong

    I’ve liked to believe that the relationship I have had with my mother has always been good. And, it has. But, I think we have reached a new level and it excites me.

    You see, a mother daughter relationship is very complex… and diverse. Some mothers and daughters are best friends and talk every day or two (this is us) mum is on speed dial and you have your regular catch ups. Some though, are more like sisters with competitiveness, often clashing at times. Others clash dramatically and the relationship can be somewhat toxic. There are strong opinions of opposing sides and basically the only thing in common is their DNA. Then, you have the reverse nurture where the roles are reversed and the daughter takes on the role of looking after the mother. Whatever your relationship is with your mother, its not right or wrong, your mum is your mum but hear me out. I learnt as even though mum is my best mate…. our relationship can reach a new level. And here is why…

    When we do not flow freely with life in the present moment, we are holding onto a negative emotion from the past. Love is always the answer to healing and the pathway to love is forgiveness.

    The Art of Forgiveness

    Ok so Mumsie didn’t actually do anything wrong. She has always been supportive and caring and has always been on the other end of the phone anytime I needed. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t had our little tiffs. I remember one year she didn’t talk to me for aaaages because I didn’t send up a Mother’s Day card. Pretty sure I didn’t make the same mistake twice. But then there have been times, when, lets face it.. due to the generational gap we have had our frustrations at each other.  We are human after all and even the best of friends still have their disagreements.

    So on my way up to the Sunshine Coast on the weekend I finished listening to the audiobook You Can Heal You Life by Louise Hay and there was a fantastic chapter on forgiveness. And a couple of little exercise to practice that can help with the process of forgiving someone. Even if they haven’t done anything wrong, this process truly helps you see the person you are forgiving in a whole new light.

    Forgiveness of ourselves and of others releases us from the past. According to Hay in order to forgive we must dissolve resentment and deal with any potential feelings of revenge before we practice the exercise on forgiveness. Now in my case, I held no resentment or  revenge so I went straight for the forgiveness for your parents exercise.

    Exercise

    Begin to visualise yourself as a little child of 5 or 6 – look deeply into the eyes of your child. See the longing and realise that there is only one thing the child version of you wants. That is love. So reach out your arms and embrace this child. Hold her with love and tenderness. Tell her how much you love and care for her. Admire everything about this child. Say its OK to make mistakes while learning. And promise you’ll always be there no matter what. Now, let this child get really small… until she is just the size to fit into your heart and put her there. Whenever you look down you can see her little face looking up at you. And you can give her lots of love.

    Now visualise your mother as a little girl of 4 or 5, frightened and looking for love and not knowing where to find it. Reach out your arms and hold this little girl. Let her know how much you love her, how much you care. Let her know she can rely on you to always be there no matter what. When she quiets down and begins to feel safe let her get very small too. Just the size to fit into your heart. Put her there with your own little child and let them give each other lots of love.

    You can also do this exercise with your father.

    Doing this exercise truly worked. Not that there was anything bad there to begin with, but the little niggles I’ve had at mum over the years have gone. Anytime I converse with her over the phone or in text, I visualise that little child sitting in my heart. Because, I know a bit about mum and I know a bit about her childhood. It wasn’t bad either but as I have said once or twice before, we are all victims of our childhood. We are never taught how to deal with the emotions we experienced and that’s where we make up our stories, which turn into our beliefs and they can haunt our adult life. So knowing mum and knowing her childhood struggles I can be completely empathetic towards her and I can love her. She did the best she could with what she had and continues to do so. There is so much love in my heart for that woman and all the battles she fought. She’s an inspiration to us all.

    Letting go of the past is hard… it was easy for me to do with mum, but now I’ve turned my attention to the one person I thought I would never forgive. This one will take some time but stay tuned…

    Abbey Rose xo

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  • How to Cum Home to Yourself

    This is going to get a little weird. But stay with me. Its good.

    My entire life I have had beliefs and values around relationships and sex. So what happens when all the things you thought you knew, and believed was tipped out of the bucket. It’s scary right. Haha wrong! This is the best feeling I have ever had in my entire life. Nothing binds me up inside and I move freely and effortlessly through life’s little challenges that, actually, aren’t even challenges to me. In the past, men have been a HUGE challenge… and I have completely rewritten my scripts and the results…. endless happiness and love. Did I mention to you that I am going through a divorce? I’ve been separated not even 3 months. Even faced with severe relationship issues, my nearest and dearest have made comments… How is this not affecting you? My answer… its just not… and here is why…

    Men and women are different! We all know this, and we accept it but we never actually act like we accept it. I see so many women in complete struggle with their relationships, their partners aren’t paying enough attention, completing enough tasks or showing enough intimacy. So I beg to ask the question. Why? Sure, you can read all the books on men and women as you want but what is really happening here is an underlying belief system that each woman has been personally brought up with. Each system completely unique to another. Divorce rates are through the roof, couples aren’t communicating and resort to counselling that, lets face it, just doesn’t work.

    So, once all my beliefs were stripped (pardon the pun) I me I was left wondering. What IS the meaning of relationships and sex. Who is to say what is right and what is wrong? Some have monogamous relationships, others are polygamous, heterosexual, homosexual or some are even pansexual… the options are endless. And what is it that YOU DESIRE? How can you have a fulfilling partnership?

    Then, my guides led me to this beauty – and of all places – it was in a porn movie…

    Let me get one thing straight here… this is the first time I watched a porn movie in well and truly over a decade.

    For there to be real love between two people, there has to be a spiritual relationship. A physical relationship without a spiritual one is like a body with no soul. Women have a beautiful spirit. Women have divine femininity. Women have the feminine energy that men do not. Masculine energy needs the feminine one for completion. That is why there is more about a spiritual connection, then a physical one.

    Over the last few weeks I have been channelling my femininity at the unconscious level. I didn’t realise I was doing it until I looked in the mirror and someone who always had a mum bun, never did her nails or constantly dressed in unflattering tracks and tees saw herself. There I am, standing there, in all my grace with long blonde curly locks, beautifully manicured nails, a tan you can envy and even wearing a dress.I wasn’t going anywhere – its a normal Wednesday afternoon. And the clincher… no makeup on.

    So, I looked in the mirror and gave myself the biggest smile. I am beautiful. I am feminine. I love me.

    So back to the porno…

    If you want the man/woman of your dreams, the relationship to last your lifetime, to be completely swept off your feet and treated like the queen your are then lets try something out here. Connect more with yourself, more with your femininity and love who you are inside and out. Be confident, exude femininity and attract the masculine to your feminine. Connect to your energy and you will start to see how others then connect with you along the way.  Connection on a physical level and a spiritual one. Now who doesn’t want that right?

    I’m not saying you need to go out and get your hair and nails done, or go buy new clothes. All that is the material stuff for femininity. What I’m saying is that if you connect with your femininity on a deeper level, on the inside through the tools and systems I have used for myself then your femininity will naturally blossom. Its on the subconscious level, you don’t even know you are doing it until… one day… everything just feels perfect.

    If all you give is love, then all you will get is love. It is that simple.

    And then, just for fun – go watch a porn haha

    Abbey Rose xo

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